Ah, how I hope that there’s some kind of machine that could automatically jot down what your mind thinks into words.  

That’s because most of the time when I am about to go to sleep on my bed will I think of many “inspirational stuff” to write on my blog. While on the other hand, most of the time when I on the computer and want to seriously start writing the things that were on my head, these “inspirational stuff” would so conveniently and mysteriously disappears out of my mind. Bah~

So, anyways, really thank God for the four weeks break that I had, although it kind of shocked me when my mom told me that the doctor gave me such a long break, as it feels like something is horribly wrong and out of place. That’s what happens when you go to the hospital too often I guess.  

The break was really refreshing as I could finally go to other places besides my house, and mingle with all my cousins and relatives once again during my cousin’s wedding, having the opportunity to wear a suit and take many “friendster photo” moments with them (although I seriously look like a ghost… nah, princess seems more like it, with my skin so fair), not to forget that elder brother came back, too, which means more games and fun… yay! 

But, I guess all good things come to an end eventually. And now I am undergoing the same treatment I had the first time I got admitted to the hospital… taking the red chemo-drug. Well, I really need to thank God during the first time I had this treatment as it was really easy going, I only had the nausea feeling a day or two (and sometimes completely nothing at all) after the chemo went in and later I would be okay. The only thing that scares me was the duration as the protocol indicated that I needed to stay at least month. 

Phew, how relieve was I to hear the doctor say I could go home immediately after the red chemo-drug has been flowed into my body. Go home on the same day I have the treatment? Praise the Lord! Ha-ha. The doctor said that last time I needed to stay in the hospital for a month was because my blood count went hay wired, my white and red cells drop too low and I got to be contained to be monitored and to prevent me from being infected by the dirty outside world, boo hoo. But at the end I decided to stay for a night at least just in case I got terribly nausea and needed to be readmitted. Now all I need to do is visit the doctor every week for one month to get the treatment, but I can go home just that day itself. 

Woo-hoo! Guess God has been really gracious to me. Well, there’s one bad thing about this treatment, which is the fact that I need to eat 10 prednisolone pills (steroid pills) a day. (It’s used to kill some of the white cells and to prevent joint pains from the chemotherapy) If I could swallow the pills down really fast it wouldn’t be much of a problem, but the problem is most of the time these pills get stuck on my tongue and it tastes really bitter, ewww. And after a while I will get a really disfigured moon face and a black hole stomach because of the side effect of the pill. The black hole thingy isn’t that bad, as it makes me look forward to meals everyday, yummy. The moon face thing makes me look really like the moon… I guess… but at least that allows me to learn that looks isn’t important as it could just fade away just like that. 

Which reminds me that I finally have my hair growing back again, yay, don’t need to look botak. But then again it’s going to drop on the next treatment when I get the blue chemo-drug, as that one really is the killer. Weirdly though, I am looking forward to the dropping of hair as I would really want to take a picture of my head when that happens, first because I missed taking a photo of it during the first time it happened and at least it gives me something to remember. Honestly speaking it wasn’t easy to accept the fact when my hair started to drop. One part of me says that: “Come on is just hair, it will grow back sooner or later and who cares if you are botak or not, is not like looks are important” but the other part of me was like “Gosh, how long is this going to last, botak just isn’t me, and what will others think of me?”  

Well, yeah, but then again, need to thank God for this earthly reminder, as it really tells me that looks really don’t last as it could just fade anytime like that. And besides as time passes by, the looks that we had when we were teenagers would not stay with us. So, better focus on things that are eternal I guess. 

Thinking about it, sometimes I just wonder why God wants me to be in this situation, if given a choice I would really hope to go to university and join the rest of my friends. But as I always tell myself: “Even if God could make a time machine He wouldn’t need it, cause He doeth all things well.” God has a plan for me, and besides, this situation would make me special in a way, ha-ha, and allows me to be refined as gold. 

Yeah, just as the hymn goes:

“For I know whatever befalls me,

            Jesus doeth all things well.”

I take back my word on the “machine that could automatically jot down things that you are thinking”, well, for one thing some things are better left unsaid I guess, and we know how foolish our minds can be at times. Thank God that we don’t speak through minds, otherwise the world would be in utter chaos, ha-ha. 

 Just imagine if we can see what other people are thinking through this machine: 

Student got scolded and punished by headmaster for coming late. 

Student thinking in mind: I hope that your pants will be caught on fire and you will trip and fall on a pile of dung when you walk out. 

Headmaster with wonder machine: “Oh, so that’s what you’re thinking, DETENTION FOR THE WHOLE YEAR!”

~Yeah, some things are just best left unsaid~ =p